What About Me?
by gab95lin
Summary: Well you held me like a lover. SwanQueen. One shot.


**Hello, **

**This is a one shot. Thank you to my friend Claudia for the prompt. This story was written to the song "Accidental Babies" by Damien Rice, my advice is for you to listen the song before you read. It might give you a better sense into the story :), but that's just my opinion I must admit that while I was totally enjoying writing it, once I was done, my outcome slap me across the face, so it's okay if you hate me after this. Please leave reviews. I hope you enjoy. **

**Warning: There's topics in this shot that might be disturbing for some. Trigger warning of suicide and everything in between.**

* * *

Emma was admiring the shiny silver blade she held between her fingers. Her hands were shaking with adrenaline, her body cold as ice, her breathing accelerated, her mind was haunted by millions of voices. _"Do it. Don't do it. Do it,"_ the voices kept saying. She was about to do the one and only thing that didn't have a solution once it was done. For the past six months, she had been battling between choosing to take her life or choosing to keep going. Day after day she struggled. She had continued going for the only person she knew who would be the most affected by this: Henry. He was the reason she had failed many times before at taking her life. But this time her decision was made. There was no going back now. She drew the small blade close to her wrist, and as she was about to make a horizontal cut, her mind was dragged once more to her hell: Regina.

A few months ago, Regina was her happiness. She was the reason she smiled, the reason she could sleep at night, the reason for why her world had meaning. And now? Now Regina was the reason why she was in this tremendous pain. She was the reason why her life had gone from bright and colorful to dark and grey. She no longer wanted to live. Her memory was burned with the visions of the day of their break up six months ago. Six months since Emma's life had turned to hell. Since her eyes no longer knew the meaning of dryness. Six months since Emma knew what sleep was, or laughter or happiness. She was trapped in a dark world where the only thing that existed was pain.

Her mind returned once again to Regina. Memories of the brunette smiling. Loving her. Happy. Now all that was erased by the memory Regina holding that man's hand and living happily with him. Emma had decided to write one last letter. A goodbye text for Regina. She knew she would not be seeing her any longer, and she knew she couldn't leave this world without first letting Regina know how she felt.

_Dear Regina, _  
_Is he dark enough?_  
_Enough to see your light?_  
_Because I'm damn sure I was. Please tell me he does._  
_And do you brush your teeth before you kiss?_  
_Like you did with me for three years before we went to bed every night? _  
_Do you miss my smell?_  
_Because I'm damn sure I miss yours. I miss that sweet yet overpowering smell of yours. That smell that would dig deep into my soul and make it full of love. _  
_And is he bold enough to take you on?_  
_Like I did every time we made love? Do you feel like you belong?_  
_Does he really make you happy? Are you really happy with him? Because I'm dying without you. _  
_And does he drive you wild?_  
_Does he make you scream his name? _  
_Or just mildly free?_  
_Please tell me he does._  
_What about me?_  
_Forget about me. Soon I'll be gone. I'll leave to a place where pain will no longer haunt me. A place where there's no coming back. But I'll go in peace if I know he makes you happy. Does he? _  
_I will always love you. I always did. But now I must say goodbye as I won't be coming home anymore. _

_Emma._

And as Regina read the message, right in that second, Emma drew the blade into her skin. She could feel the cold metal against her skin, the sharp pain making itself recognizable quickly. When she was done with one, she started on the other one, not wasting time. She only let one cry come out of her mouth as blood dripped down. Her life was coming to an end. Her sorrows no longer haunted her. She had known someday and somehow her life would end like this. She just didn't think it would be for love. Another soul lost. Another life gone. And another life gone wrong. She could feel her own life draining out of her body. It was like her soul was becoming unattached, and she could see her body laying on the floor with a pool of blood around her. It was then that she saw the purple mist. That familiar purple mist. She didn't have control over her body anymore, so all she could do was watch how Regina launched herself to the floor. She was holding her crying and screaming her name. In her voice there was pain, regret, and guilt. Something Emma had never detected. The hurt that she could hear in Regina's voice quickly filled with pain.

"Emma no, please, Emma please, please wake up," Regina said as she rocked back and forth with Emma's lifeless body.

"What about me? What about me Emma?" Regina kissed Emma. Once. Twice. Three times. Emma felt and watched as her body and her soul tried to become one again. But it was a failed attempt. She was losing too much blood, and her human body was too weak.

Without losing another second, Regina grabbed Emma's wrist. She concentrated as best as she could, conjuring a healing spell. Light magic flowed out of her hands. Emma's wrists were illuminated with the magic. They were healing, slowly, but they were. Emma, still detached from her body, could see how hard Regina was trying to bring her back. She got closer to the brunette contemplating her. She whispered in Regina's ear as she started to feel a tingle

"Regina, I love you. And I always will. I'm so sorry for this pain, but now I see you. And I see you holding me. You hold me like a lover. And I wish I could feel you." Emma kissed Regina as she went back to her body.

Emma closed her eyes. She wanted to believe she could go back. That she could have a second chance with Regina. That if she lived, Regina would forgive and love her. Emma wished, begged, prayed for a second chance. A second chance at life and at love. She wished that she could hold Regina in her arms like a lover did. Nothing happened.

"I love you Emma," Regina said giving one last kiss to Emma. Her motionless body laid still in her arms. Her blood was on her hands. Regina wished that she could have come before. Just a few minutes and she could of have prevented this tragedy. She was mad at Emma. She was mad at herself. She was mad at the universe for playing her this cruelly once again. She wished she could rip out her own heart and crush it. She tried to use her magic once more in Emma's body. One last try. With the little hope she had, she tried to resuscitate Emma. She gave her an electroshock with her magic. One. Two. Three. Four.

Emma felt pain. Like someone was punching her stomach but worse. She felt warm water drops fall upon her face. She could feel! She opened her eyes finding she was in Regina's arms. Regina who repeated like a broken record that she loved her. Emma watched her for a few more seconds before she hugged her.

"Regina," she cried out, unable to handle the mix of emotions she was feeling at that moment. She truly regretted her actions. She was sure she loved Regina and was afraid of the way Regina would react to her.

"Idiot!" Regina said before she took a tighter hold on the blonde. "Don't you ever dare to do something this stupid to me ever again, Emma Swan!" she said as she let her sobs become louder. She let go of the breath she didn't know she had being holding all this time.

"I know I made you cry a lot, but I never wanna let you go again. Please, please Regina, forgive me, I love you so so much," Emma said.

"I love you," Regina said as she kissed Emma's forehead, "I love you," Emma's nose, "I love you," Emma's right cheek, "I love you," Emma's left cheek, "I love you," Emma's eyes, "I love you," Emma's mouth. "I love you," Regina said once more as she kissed each wrist.

They knew there was a long way to go after this. They would seek help. Regina wanted to make sure Emma would receive the right treatment and the right attention. She knew she couldn't live without Emma. She would stay with her. Not because she felt guilty, or forced to be in a relationship with her, but because the tragedy had helped her realized that the only person who she truly loved was Emma. So she kept Emma in her arms, rocking back and forth. Soon both of them, tired, emotionally and physically, fell asleep in each other's arms.


End file.
